


to taste your beating heart

by gracerene



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Community: hp_darkarts, Dark, Dark Magic, Harry Potter Next Generation, M/M, Mental Instability, Non-Consensual Kissing, Obsession, Past Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley, Pining, Possible Character Death, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-14 15:11:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17510882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracerene/pseuds/gracerene
Summary: All James had ever wanted was Teddy's heart.





	to taste your beating heart

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to the lovely shiftylinguini for not even flinching when I told her what I'd done to our boys and then asked her to beta read it! And thank you so much to the lovely writcraft for modding this fun mini-fest and providing a safe fandom space to explore darker themes and content. You are both the bee's knees! (Going with the apparently universally accepted knowledge that bee's knees are super awesome… like you!)
> 
> Title is from Howl by Florence + The Machine. 
> 
> **Please do mind the warnings.** This was written for a dark fest and is very different from my usual fare. I have ticked the "Choose Not to Use Archive Warnings" box in addition to including the above tags, so there could possibly be additional dark content. You're responsible for your own consumption of content. Thanks!

For as long as James could remember, all he'd ever wanted was Teddy's heart.

Teddy had always been the brightest thing in James's world, a brilliant sun drawing James in to bask in his warmth. He'd idolised him, worshipped him, followed him around like an over-eager Crup whenever he was around. Teddy clearly adored him in turn, and even when he got older and pretended to be cross with James's constant presence, James knew he was only teasing—Teddy had to have felt it too, even then, that red string of fate tying them inextricably together.

It had been an innocent, childish obsession at first, and it wasn't until James got older that he understood the true depth of their bond. He'd always known that his and Teddy's connection was different, _stronger,_ than the ones he shared with his siblings and the rest of his family, but he hadn't had the knowledge or the words to capture what he was sure of in his heart, not until he hit puberty at least. 

_Love._ Something deep and pure and unbreakable. James knew it with every fibre of his being—Teddy was meant for him. 

He'd been hurt, at first, that Teddy didn't seem to immediately share this bone-deep knowledge. James could still remember the bewildered shock at the start of third year, right after he'd come to understand what his and Teddy's connection really meant, startling upon Teddy locked in an intimate embrace with James's _cousin._ His family hadn't understood his outrage; how could nobody else but James's see that Teddy belonged to _him?_

James had spent half a year stewing in his hurt and anger before eventually realising that it wasn't Teddy's fault. Victoire had clearly bewitched him; she took advantage of the fact that Teddy's one true love was too young for them to be together. As upsetting as it was, James could understand that Teddy might get lonely waiting for James. Still, that didn't mean James had to like it. Victoire needed to know that Teddy was off-limits, and Teddy needed to learn a little restraint.

Everybody agreed that the potions accident was just the saddest thing. Who could have foreseen that Victoire, normally _so_ precise, would mistake powdered Erumpent Horn for the powdered _moonstone_ she was supposed to have added instead? It was lucky that young James Sirius Potter found her before her injuries became fatal, though really, it just wasn't smart for a witch to be practising in an empty classroom at night all alone, no matter how much stress the N.E.W.T.s provided. Something terrible could happen.

Afterwards, Victoire had needed to go on an immediate extended absence, the extent of her magical injuries too severe to be healed at Hogwarts with only the basic potions they had on hand. She'd made a decent recovery, eventually, but her pretty face was no longer quite so pretty. Teddy, of course, stuck with her through the worst of it, but James hadn't expected any less—his big heart was only one of the many reasons why James loved him so much. In the end it was Victoire who called things off a year later before moving to the continent, claiming she needed some space from everything that had happened. Teddy had been sad, but James had made sure he was there for him in his time of need.

James had always been there for Teddy.

He always would be.

"James, _Jamie,_ don't do this."

James turned to look at Teddy, his head cocked to one side. Merlin, he really was so beautiful, even with his hair gone bone-white with terror. It shouldn't have had to come to this. Teddy was supposed to _love_ him.

"I'm doing this for you, Teddy. For _us_. There's something _wrong_ with you, Teddy, don't you see? I need to fix it."

It had taken James years to realise it, to understand that something was broken within Teddy. James had given him chance after chance to show some sign that he returned James's affections, that he felt the bright bond that linked them, that he knew they were meant to be together. 

Teddy had remained stubbornly oblivious. 

Even after James had turned sixteen and was over the legal age of consent, Teddy had stayed away. James had been disappointed, but he'd given Teddy the benefit of the doubt, certain that Teddy was just being a gentleman, that he wanted to wait until James was out of Hogwarts before making his intentions known. The night of his graduation party, James had been alight with nerves, sure that it would _finally_ happen, that Teddy would at last bare his soul and claim James as his own. 

But he never did.

Teddy, in fact, hadn't shown up to his party at all, claiming to be caught up in an Auror stakeout that he just couldn't leave. That had been the final straw for James, the moment when James realised something was wrong—no case in the world should have been more important to Teddy than being there for James, his beloved. 

At first, of course, he'd been heartbroken. How could Teddy not feel it? Their connection was so overwhelmingly powerful, so all-encompassing, James simply couldn't fathom it being one-sided. It just wasn't possible. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he'd become.

There was something wrong with Teddy. 

Perhaps it had happened when Victoire had first woven her spell over him, or perhaps it had been even sooner than that—maybe the death of both his parents at such a young age had cracked Teddy's ability to recognise the purity of the love shining between him and James. It was devastating, knowing Teddy didn't have the warmth of their bond to give him comfort the way it had to James over the years, but now that James knew what was wrong, he could fix it.

It had taken over a year of research to find the right ritual. A year of sleepless nights and frantic pouring over dusty old tomes. James knew he couldn't enlist anybody else's help, that they wouldn't understand, so he did what he could not to attract attention to his pursuit. He felt the absence of Teddy's presence so keenly, that he knew he over-compensated when the two of them were together. His affections, muted as they were compared to what he really wanted, seemed to overwhelm Teddy. He'd felt Teddy begin to pull away from him and it killed James every time Teddy would flash him that insincere smile and beg off drinks yet again. Over and over, James had to remind himself that it wasn't really _Teddy_ being so hurtful, that Teddy wasn't right in the head. It was difficult, but James had persevered, and now it was all finally ready. 

Teddy was going to be his. 

He had, of course, given Teddy one final chance to prove James wrong. James would have preferred to avoid the dangerous and complex spell entirely if he could, especially if it turned out that Teddy was just a late bloomer instead of deficient. After years of longing, of subtext, of making his feelings clear in everything but words, James had finally confessed his love. He'd pressed his lips against Teddy's and for one, euphoric moment, James had experienced true bliss. Then Teddy had pushed him away, shock, confusion, and revulsion in his eyes as he said vicious, spiteful things like _This is wrong, James._ and _You're practically my brother._ and, I watched you grow up for fuck's sake! James's heart had hardened with determination as Teddy's reaction confirmed James's worst fears. 

Teddy really was broken, and James was the only one who could mend him. 

"There's nothing wrong with me, James!" Teddy shouted, his voice high and reedy, so unlike his usual rich, melodious tones. "You're the one that's sick!"

James clenched his fists in anger, his jaw tightening before he took several deep breaths to calm himself. "I know you don't mean that, Teddy," he said, doing his best to keep his voice gentle. "You're confused, which is why I've got to do this. Don't worry, you'll be all better soon."

"Please, James," Teddy said again, softer this time. "I know you don't want to hurt me. Just let me go and we can get you help, I promise."

"Oh, Teddy," James said with a sigh, stepping forward to cup his face. He noticed absently that there were tears glistening on Teddy's cheek, and with a swipe of his thumb he brushed them away. "You're the one that needs help, not me. I wish there was another way. But for you not to feel this bond between us…." He shook his head. "It's not right. We're soulmates, Teddy."

"I—" Teddy's eyes darted around the room, as if looking for an escape, but James knew there was none. Teddy licked his lips, then looked back at James, shuddering with some unknown emotion and squaring off his shoulders before saying, "You're right, James. We _do_ belong together." He cleared his throat. "I've been a fool. I was so worried about what the family would say that I—that I pretended I didn't feel it, but I do. Of course I do. How could I not?"

Joy danced in James's heart as he clambered onto Teddy's lap. Without missing a beat, he slid his fingers into Teddy's hair and kissed him for all he was worth. Beneath him, Teddy was as still and stiff as a board, his lips frozen, as if he'd been Petrified. He made a small noise, and James wasn't so much a fool in love that he couldn't recognise the sound as one of distaste instead of passion. Furious, James pulled back, slapping Teddy hard across the face as he slid off Teddy's lap and onto his feet. Teddy looked at him, shocked and defeated, blood dripping from his lip.

"I wish you hadn't done that, Teddy," James said. "Look what you made me do."

He reached for Teddy's face. Teddy tried to evade him, but strapped as he was to the chair, he didn't have much room to manoeuver. James gripped his chin hard, ignoring Teddy's flinch when James brought his wand up to cast a quick healing spell on his mouth. "There, all better," James murmured, running a gentle thumb over Teddy's now-unblemished lower lip. "I'm really quite sore at you, but I know you're not in your right mind. You're going to be so upset at your behaviour once I've fixed you. But don't worry, I know you'll make it up to me."

"You're sick!" Teddy yelled, his voice filled with disgust. "You're demented! Always so bloody obsessed with me, never giving me a moment's peace! Why can't you just accept that I. Don't. Want. You. I'll never want you!"

James let the words roll off his back like he'd cast an _Impervious,_ turning instead to the weathered book on the table. They hurt, of course they did, but they were the ravings of a broken man. Soon, none of it would matter. "Don't worry, Teddy," he replied. "Lucky for both of us, you're wrong about that."

If Teddy wasn't going to give James his heart of his own free will, James was just going to have to take it.

He looked over the spell once more, making sure he understood everything perfectly. It was a tricky, dangerous ritual, and if things went wrong, well… Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, but surely death was preferable to living a miserable life unable to return the love of your soulmate? He was certain Teddy would agree, were he in his right mind. 

Turning, he took up his wand and began to chant, putting Teddy's look of terror out of his mind as the magic began to build around them both. With a flick of his wand, he Vanished Teddy's shirt, baring his pale, perfect chest to James's gaze. 

_I'm sorry, Teddy_ , he thought as he pressed his wand to Teddy's breast and began to speak the words that would part Teddy's tender flesh. _This is the only way._

A jagged red line slashed itself across Teddy's chest, right above his heart. Teddy screamed and screamed as the wound began to pull itself open, tearing muscle and sinew and bone to reveal the red, pulsing heart within. James took a minute to admire its vital beauty, just as exquisite and pure as James had always known it would be.

The air around them pulsed and glowed with the power of the spell, currents rippling with an unseen wind. James set his wand on the table, preparing himself to finish the last part of the ritual, ready for Teddy to finally be _his._ He reached in, and the harsh, piercing cry of Teddy's screams finally ceased. 

James looked down at his blood soaked hands, at the throbbing essence of everything he'd ever wanted cupped within his palms. Euphoria flooded through him. He was so close. Soon everything would be exactly as it should be.

James smiled and began to chant.

**Author's Note:**

> [Kudos ♥] and [Comments] are fabulous! I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://gracerene09.tumblr.com/)!


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